Infidelity

My wife is really into the tv show Friends right now.  It is funny but it does not have the best morals or values.  Granted I watch my own shows that are not good and I wouldn't want my kids to watch but some things that are in Friends really stuck out to me about what our society has to say about infidelity.  Two of the characters Monica and Chandler are married.  But they both constantly joke about having sex with other people.  They joke about it with other people.  Sex in our society is just common.  Our society is so sexualized that it is not a big deal to talk about or do it with just about anyone.
Most of the time it starts with just one little incident.  Letting a conversation go a bit far, clicking one button on the internet.  Our textbook has a table of the different types of infidelity.

Table 6.1 Types of Infidelity

Type of Relational Attachment               Emotional                Physical

Detached                                                    Fantasy                      Visual and Pornography

Attached                                                     Romantic                   Sexual


Infidelity can happen without us even realizing it.  According to the textbook here are some ways to reduce the likelihood of infidelity:

• Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours his or her heart out to you.
• Don't share the most painful things of your soul with an attractive alternative.  This develops deep levels of intimacy.
• If a conversation makes light of marriage, respond with something positive about your own marriage.
• Discuss marital issues with your spouse.  Work on the problems at home.  If you need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure he or she is a friend of the marriage.
• Don't have lunch or take work breaks with the same person all the time.
• Don't have lunch alone with an old flame.
• If an old boyfriend/girlfriend is going to be at a class reunion, make sure you bring your spouse along.  
• When you travel with a coworker, meet only in public places.
• Don't flirt with anyone other than your spouse.
• Don't travel together with someone of the opposite sex when going to meetings for work, church, or in other circumstances.  

So we have all this formalness.  A list of don'ts and a table of different types.  Most people probably will just say blah blah blah.  But to the person reading this and wanting help....there is help.  If you have started down the road, you can reverse.  A lot of times people make excuses saying we have fallen out of love.  Well get back in love.  Maybe you don't have the flame of your courtship and engagement but is it possible that your love has changed?  I think all to many people these days lose the feeling of passion from when they dated or early in their marriage and think they are not in love anymore.  But is it possible that your love has shifted from passionate love to companionate love?  The type of love that is like a stove set on low but still burning.  You are there for each other in everything.  I feel like that is happening in my marriage.  Don't get me wrong there is still lots of passion in my marriage.  But I feel this deeper love starting to settle in.  I am happy just being with my wife even if passion isn't there.  I am happy going thru the day to day humdrum of life with my wife.  And every now and then we rekindle our passion.  We go on a date to help us remember that we are in love.  Or we do something to surprise the other.  We sacrifice for each other.  I do things that I don't want to do for her and she does things that she doesn't want to do for me.  

My whole rambling point is that you might still be in love and not know it.  Take your spouse on a date.  Have a tickle fight.  Do one small thing for your spouse over the next few days.  Chances are you will find that love for your spouse is not only still there but stronger than ever.